48 HRS and Counting

Being a single parent for a few years now, I've started to dread the weekends my kids go to their dad's house.  I miss them.  I miss their laughter, their hugs and smiles.  I even miss their fighting.  The house is too quiet.  Last night as I sat watching TV (as I rarely do), I found myself trying to be quiet to not wake the boys.  Laughed at myself, because I was alone.  Turning the TV off, I sat in silence.  Listening to the sounds of the country.  Quiet.  Then I heard a frightening sound.  Wails, barks, howls, yipping.  Sounded like a LOT of coyotes out back.  Sounded like a horror movie.  Then my mind began to play tricks on me.  I got scared.  Whenever I passed by a window, I imagined something standing on the other side of it looking in.  Creepy of course.  Scary movie type, of course.  Something like this...




I don't normally get frightened at home and I think it's because when the boys are here, I'm their protector.  It's my job.  However, when they aren't here, I'm all alone and I feel vulnerable I suppose.  No one to protect and no one to protect me.  With the fear in my head, I went to my room and shut the door.  There was safety in there, under those covers.  It's funny how things don't change from when you're a kid.  Hiding under the covers.



So with that, I went to sleep, feeling protected by my almighty duvet.  It's no wonder I had a few nightmares.  Finally morning came, and the sun was shining and the birds were singing.  My fear was gone and everything was right again.

And tonight I get to do it all again.

I can not wait for my babies to come home on Sunday.  To hear them scream MOMMY!!!  To feel their hugs and their love.  To listen to their stories of how much fun (hopefully) they had.   I will get to tuck them in, listen to their "happy sads" of the day and kiss them goodnight.  If I'm lucky enough, they'll let me snuggle in beside them for a short time.

The life of a single parent is not easy.  It's not something I wanted, or expected, but something I had to choose.  Learning to live this way definitely has its challenges, but we are surviving and will continue to do so.

Peace out.