So I'm not sure how much I'm allowed to write about my life as a paramedic, but sparing identifying details, I think I'm safe to write something. More of a theraputic release for myself. I'm just going to type, see what comes out and not really think much about it. So here goes.
I started in the summer of 1999, at the young age of 21. Back then I thought I knew it all. Boy was I wrong. In my first few months, I attended two calls where there was attempted murder. I saw more blood than one should see. On both calls, I ended up attending to the attacker. The person who did the alleged crime. Funny thing was, it didn't even cross my mind at the time. You see, both these people were injured themselves, I had a job to do. So I went into paramedic mode and helped.
I had to go to court for one of those calls. I didn't enjoy that at all. Something about being up on a stand, in front of a lot of important and powerful people, you feel very small. Very small. I remember my voice went dry and I felt like I couldn't talk.
Another time I was finishing up a call at the ER and a child was rushed in. A little bit later, the parent was standing outside of the room I was in and was making that awful phone call that their child had died. I could hear the screams coming from the phone, from the person on the other end. I can still hear them perfectly to this day. It struck a chord with me then, and does so even more now that I am a parent. I've had to be witness to many children's parents break down in sorrow with the news that their child has died. It's such an awful feeling and no parent should outlive their child. But sadly, it happens. A lot.
Drunks, druggies and plain old assholes. We do these calls frequently. The overdoses, the passed out drunks, the people who turn into jerks or are just assholes to the core. They curse at you, they swing at your, they try to kick you... they vomit on or near you ( you learn quickly how to get out of the way fast). Some are the most ungrateful people I have ever encountered. In my "old age" I don't tend to have a filter anymore, so these people usually get my "mom tone" voice. Sometimes I just want to say grow the "f*#k" up.
We are fortunate to work with some pretty great police officers. Over the years we have built up friendships with a lot of them, so we know when we are going to certain calls they'll be alongside with us. And they have our backs. One time an officer grabbed hold of me and stopped me from falling off the side of a two story balcony. We were dealing with a mental health patient who was fighting us, I tripped over another officers foot and away I went, until I felt the arms of my friend, the officer, grab hold of me. I couldn't thank her enough. That fall would've HURT.
Growing up in a small town and even smaller "hamlet", I've known these people for at least 20 years. From the fire department to the police department, I've gone to school with many of them. It is comforting to know you're working with people who call you by name, not because they've heard you say it, but because they know you. They aren't strangers. They're there to help. And they do.
Just about completed my 17th year of working as a paramedic, I've built up a lot of memories. Some good, some bad, some terrible. With the growing awareness of mental health and the importance of being self aware, it's imperative you speak to someone if you are having difficulties. I'm lucky enough to have coworkers to turn to - to talk about those calls that only they can understand. You can talk to family, but why burden them with images of terrible things? Coworkers understand, for they too have seen terrible things.
It will always be a struggle, it will always be a fight. It will cause more stress than most, it will harden you, it can make you turn into someone else, just to survive. However, it is a very rewarding career. It's amazing when you actually make a difference. To be that person who just saved a life.
I don't think I'd trade it for anything.
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