You see, my ex father-in law was never a nice man when I was around. He barks orders, expects children to be seen and not heard. I never saw love from him. He is harsh and quite frankly I couldn't stand the man. My mom had the same feelings.
Always at night I ask my children about their happy and their sad for the day, or in the case when they're away for a weekend, I ask about the happy/sad for the weekend. For the past while, they've always had more sad than happy when they're gone. Tonight was no exception. I speak to the boys separately, in their rooms, as they're tucked into bed. I ask them about their buckets and how full they are.
I'll start with my youngest. Little A tells me that Grandpa J yelled at him a LOT this weekend. Told him to be quiet while he watched his TV shows. He couldn't even make truck noises without getting scolded. When I asked where Daddy was, he said sleeping. I asked if Daddy slept a lot when they were up there and he replied yes. Makes my heart sad to know that their dad only gets one full day if that to spend with them, and he chooses sleep over spending time with them. He continued on with stories of sadness, and when I had asked about his happy, it was me. Coming home and seeing me. While I love that about him, I cry inside thinking of this poor sad child. He told me he didn't want to go back again, and quite frankly, I don't blame him.
(image copied from a google search)
Oldest kid C tells me that he hates Grandpa J, that he is so mean. He says he's told to go outside to play, when they don't have anything there for the kids to play with. They don't have a yard, their cottage is built on a hill, full of rocks. Sure it would be fun to play on, if a grown up went outside to play with them. When I asked C where Dad was, he said sleeping. I ask them about what they eat as well - they tell me they had nachos and cheese for dinner and said when he asked his dad for something more/else to eat, his dad said no. He told me he wanted something healthier. Bless his little heart. He also tells me he doesn't want to go back up there again, and would like for his dad to come to our house for the weekend. What a position that puts me in. I don't want this to happen, yet I don't want the kids going to a place that is full of anger. They came back early today, but I was still at work. C said that Daddy spent his time here on his phone and his computer, put his own shows on the TV and wouldn't let the kids watch their own shows. He made them go & play, but ignored them the entire time. He also told me he their dad was on my Facebook. SO not cool. Of course the dad will deny any and all accusations, as that's what he always does. He does NO wrong.
When I asked C about his bucket.... he said pretty much empty. But then said, but with you and grandma (my mom) it's overflowing.
This is when I hate the life of a shift worker. If I didn't work every other weekend, I'd keep them home with me and give their dad day visits if he decided he wanted that. I just might see if I can get my parents to do some weekend shifts for me, but I don't feel good about taking away their weekends. My mom still works full time, so she likes her freedom on the weekend. And looking after little boys is exhausting. My dad might be able to handle it, but 12+ hrs is a lot of work for a 67 yr old. I honestly don't know what to do.
It's been almost 2 years since I filed for divorce, and we are still going through the motions of our financial statements. Mine was completed within the first few months, and we have been waiting on my ex to finish his since. My lawyer calls him an ostrich. He said he sticks his head in the sand hoping this will all go away. It won't though and we need to move on. My ex has had two years to save up for either a down payment, or first and last for a rental. None of which he has done. He belly aches that he has no money, yet he goes to the states for a mock prison riot every year and every September he takes a week off work and bikes from Niagara Falls to Ottawa for the police memorial ride. Sure it's a great cause, but it's expensive to do. The bike was over a grand, and then each year you have your hotel costs. I just don't understand his priorities. He would have more time with the kids if he was closer and had his own place.
I could go on and on, but there's really no point. I think I know what I have to do. It will be hard, but I hope my family will stand by me. Or perhaps I'll have to hire a live in nanny! Oh wouldn't that be lovely!
I'm off now for two days and I plan on spending that time hugging and loving my boys, letting them know they are my everything.
So if you are a dad out there, please know that what you do affects your children. How you treat them will and does make a difference. This goes for mothers as well. Our children are our greatest gifts, and they should be treated with so much love and kindness. They are our number one, always.
*** please note pictures are not my own. they are copied from google images ***
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